1. Charlie at the Cinema

An old farmer went to the cinema to watch a film. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"
The old farmer said, "That's my pet Cockerel Charlie, wherever I go, Charlie goes."
"I'm sorry sir.", Said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the theater."
The old farmer went outside and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The film started and the Cockerel began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Charlie could stick his head out and watch the movie.
"Marge", whispered Mildred.
"What", said Marge.
"I think this guy next to me is a pervert.", Said Mildred.
"What makes you think that", asked Marge.
"He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred.
"Well, don't worry about it", said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all."
"I thought so too", said Mildred, "But this one is eating my popcorn!"

2. The Bear and the Atheist

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.
"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to see what it was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could, but looking over his shoulder he could see that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, but the beat still got closer. As he tried to run even faster, he suddenly tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist thought quickly "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice.
The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."

3. Which is which

A blonde women buys two horses but when she gets them home she can't tell them apart. So she asks the farmer next door what to do. He says to cut one of their tails off. So she does. But then the other horse's tail gets caught in a bush and rips off. So once again she can't tell them apart.
She asks the farmer for advice a second time. He tells her to cut one of the horses ears. So she does. But then the other horse gets its ear ripped in a barbed wire fence.

She is still confused and so asks the farmer for a third time what to do. He tells her to measure them.

She comes back and says, "The white horse is 2 inches taller than the black horse!"
(Ok so it's a blond joke but it has horses in it!!!)

4. Comfortable

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the family farm. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in serious debt. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the farm, they need to purchase a bull so they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then decides to take their last £600 to another farm 3 Towns on where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "If I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's farm, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for £599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our farm. I need her to fit the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 pence a word."
Well, with only £1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, comfortable."
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your farm if you just write, comfortable?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. She'll read it slowly."
(Ok, another blond joke but this one has a bull in it!!)