1. Mission Impossible..

The MI5 had an opening for an assassin. After all of the interviews and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and one woman. For the final test, the MI5 agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
“We need to know that you will follow all instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.”
The first man shook his head and said.“You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife,”
The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”
The agent replies, “I'm afraid you don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She took the gun and went into the room to face her husband. Shots were heard, one shot after another. Then there was screaming, crashing and finally banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

2. Give him the elbow

A man is in the reception area of his hotel. He wants to ask the receptionist a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbows her breast. The woman looks at him with a shocked expression..
The man turns to her and says, "Miss, if your heart is as soft as your breast,
I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 19."

3. Brain Transplant

A young patient needed a brain transplant and the doctor told the family, ''Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.''
''Well, how much does a brain cost?'' asked the relatives.
'For a male brain, £250,000. For a female brain, £100,000,'' replied the doctor.
Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but when the females in the roon weren't looking they nodded at each other knowingly. But the patient's sister was unsatisfied and a little angry at this and so she asked, ''Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?''
''Standard pricing practice,'' answered the doctor. ''Women's brains have to be marked down because they've actually been used.''

4. Baby Hermaphrodite

A woman gives birth to a baby and afterward the doctor comes into the room and says, ''I have something to tell you about your child...''
The woman slowly sits up with a worried look on her face and says, ''What's wrong with it?''
The doctor says, ''There's nothing really wrong with it, it's just a little different! It's a hermaphrodite.''
The woman looks confused. ''A hermaphrodite, what's that?''
The doctor replies, ''It has both features of a male and a female.''
The woman looks relieved. ''What? You mean it has a penis AND a brain?''